Mother’s Day

I wasn’t so sure I could/would/should have a post today. Maybe I thought it was predictable. Maybe I thought I wouldn’t have anything worth saying. I realized the dark and lonely place where I feel totally isolated in a crowded room is made up entirely of the things I’ve neglected to say.

I’m still hurting.

With the help of a special mind-body group made up of sharing and support with ladies with infertility, a well-trained professional, and education in relaxation and self care, I have made great strides in managing my infertility stress with carryover into my depression, anxiety, and IBS. I’ve been doing so well my personal therapist is comfortable going on an as-needed schedule.

I am functioning better than I have in a long time but that can’t change the reality that I would be due next month, had Blastkap2 been viable. It can’t change that I feel cheated. It can’t change that excitement was traded for profound sadness.

I did try to count my blessings today and spent some well needed time in the sun and with my family. Slept in with one furry child and played at the park with the other.  A lady at Starbucks paid for my tea.

It was a pretty perfect day all things considered. Maybe I’ve got someone looking out for me.

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