I got a phone call from my primary care physician yesterday. Something has worsened my thyroid function and its stimulating hormone is high. Fun fact, to get pregnant, they try to keep this hormone especially low.
I went to monitoring this morning and I was feeing kind of anxious that this last ditch effort might have been compromised. I don’t know why, but I glanced to clouds and said, “God, are you trying to guide me to adoption and I’m being too dumb to listen?” I kind of shrugged it off and resolved to look into the Unitarian church and pray on all of it, which to be honest isn’t really like me.
I went about the rest of the drive, the ultrasound, the blood work, the driving home in the pouring rain and as I settled into the couch with a cup of coffee and the puppy, I put on the TV.
Joel Osteen was on. Not someone whose ideology I usually agree with. I picked up the clicker to change it, and he said
“Can God trust you with the pain?”
I paused. He said that pain isn’t for nothing, and that God brings you through pain so that you can be prepared to help someone else.
He told a story of a woman who had all these illness symptoms and pains: nausea, swollen feet, fatigue, insomnia, abdomen swelled and then she had severe abdominal pains. She was (predictably) rushed to the hospital and told she was in labor. She wasn’t sick. She was pregnant.
Pregnancy was the metaphor for all kinds of pain being in preparation for something greater.
I know I tend to read too much into things but it’s hard not to see it as some type of sign.
I suppose there’s nothing wrong with being optimistic?