My Dad came home on hospice the Tuesday before Thanksgiving 2013. He passed away the week before Christmas and was laid to rest Christmas Eve. End of November straight through the New Year (Dad’s birthday) is a challenging time of year.
Overlay on that the fact that a terrible experience of sudden onset crying at a pregnancy announcement was compounded by being mortified by a public reprimand over my bursting into tears, I was absolutely terrified or being asked by anyone about our baby making plans or lack there of. I found out I was going to be a Godmother again last month with a framed sonogram asking me to be his Godmother. I had left it on the mantle to look and smile at everyday while I wait for his arrival. I hid it while cleaning for Thanksgiving for fear that someone would misunderstand it and I would absolutely lose my shit.
A woman I know from the Mind Body Group sent us all an article about it being ok to not be thankful this Thanksgiving. I related to it so much, I started sending it to other people I knew needed to read it.
Hubby and I hosted Thanksgiving at our house last year. My family, myself included, being less than stellar communicators, didn’t discuss plans per se. While I was contemplating working and skipping it or meeting later, folks presumed we’d be hosting again.
So hosting again it was. We’re kind of overbooked every weekend so I had to do a lot of the prep alone Wednesday night. Hubby works Wednesday through Thursday morning, so Mom slept over with my littlest BFF, our niece/goddaughter. I think there are always growing pains for Mom and daughter when houses and holidays are involved. Mom did it for so many years and has her ideas on how it should be done, and Hubby and I had our own ideas and therefore stress to the max.
Everything came to a head for me while I was obsessively wiping everything down because clearly if there was a speck of dirt to be found, I was a terrible hostess. Hubby randomly said he would be buying himself exactly what I had planned to buy for Christmas and I had an epic meltdown. I burst into tears and started yelling at Hubby and Mom. Not my finest moments. Littlest BFF brought her baby doll over to me and tried to hand it to me. “No thank you” I said to her and continued my meltdown. She walked away for about 30 seconds and returned with determination. “Here Auntie. Take the baby. You love babies”. My three year old niece has figured out that I would be less sad with a baby. Or it was a brilliant coincidence. And she completely defused the situation.
I started to laugh, knelt down and gave her a hug, and of course, took the baby.